


do you know what it means to love

by NightsMeridian



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F, I have a soft spot for characters remembering when they first realized they were in love, Slice of Life, obvious warning about s5 is obvious, takes places after S5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:35:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24297454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightsMeridian/pseuds/NightsMeridian
Summary: “I am happy. I didn’t even think I could feel this happy. I just…” She hesitates and her eyes drift towards the roof’s ledge, where she had climbed up some half an hour ago. Adora had been fast asleep and she hadn’t wanted to disturb her. “Sometimes...sometimes I’m still not sure if I deserve it. Deserve all this,” she clarifies as she gestures towards the castle and the lands beyond stretching out towards the Whispering Woods.Melog responds by nuzzling its head further into her lap and she smiles again. “I guess I’m working on it.”_______Or, Catra is having a quiet (debatable) moment on a rooftop and remembers an important moment with Adora from the past.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Catra & Glimmer (She-Ra)
Comments: 31
Kudos: 578





	do you know what it means to love

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a bit out of my wheelhouse with this fandom. But I love Catra and all her layers and complexity. It's been a while since I wrote anything. I can only give credit to Noelle for creating something so captivating and groundbreaking. 
> 
> Anyway, I tried something, leave me some feedback.
> 
> (title taken from Hunting high and low by A-ha, and yes I know it's cheesy so it fits well, also so does the song)

“There are so many of them.”

The reply comes as a questioning chirp from Melog lying half on her lap and Catra snorts when the cat glances up at the sky for a moment before closing its eyes again in obvious disinterest.

“It’s because we’re not used to seeing them on Etheria,” she explains and scratches the cat behind one of its ears. “The skies were empty because the She-Ra before Adora stranded us in an empty dimension.”

Melog meows quietly, but otherwise doesn’t move and Catra smiles at the cat.

“I don’t know,” she answers, but irrevocably finds her eyes being drawn back towards the star-filled skies above. It is an unusually clear night and some of the stars are so big and bright it almost seems as if she could touch them if she just reached high enough. “Maybe it’s because I don’t remember the last time I thought I could get to do this. Just sit outside and stargaze and not have to worry about the next day or the next.”

Maybe it’s because just a few weeks ago she thought she would never see a single night sky again. Space has been cold and lonely and sometimes when her thoughts wander too far, she can still remember those few minutes where she thought she would die like that.

Alone, cold, in pain.

She feels Melog’s ears flatten a little in response to her emotional turmoil and in turn rubs its head a little to calm the cat down.

“Sorry,” she murmurs, shakes her head, and lets out a bemused sigh. “If anyone had told me a few months ago I’d be sitting on the roof of castle Brightmoon with a magical alien space cat after escaping the bed I’m sharing with Adora I’d have called them crazy.”

A soft rumbling purr is her answer, followed by a few soft meows and Catra feels her face heat up in response.

“I _am_ happy. I didn’t even think I could feel this happy. I just…” She hesitates and her eyes drift towards the roof’s ledge, where she had climbed up some half an hour ago. Adora had been fast asleep and she hadn’t wanted to disturb her. “Sometimes...sometimes I’m still not sure if I deserve it. Deserve all this,” she clarifies as she gestures towards the castle and the lands beyond stretching out towards the Whispering Woods.

Melog responds by nuzzling its head further into her lap and she smiles again. “I guess I’m working on it.”

And at least these days, she has all the time in the world to do so. There are plans to visit the rest of the universe and help where they can, but everyone agreed a couple of weeks of rest would be good after the last few hectic years.

She presses her head against the sun-warmed roof tiles behind her and follows one of the sparse falling stars before it drifts out of sight. It had passed through a handful of reddish sparkling stars and Catra couldn’t help but instantly be reminded of a moment she had once wanted to forget.

She lifts her hand and traces the stars in the sky.

They reminded her of fireflies. Fireflies and sparkling blue eyes filled with quiet wonder. The moment she truly realized she was in love with Adora.

She still remembers it though. With an almost startling clarity.

How they stole through the night towards one of the few occupied villages, avoiding people and guards alike along the way. She remembers when they had slipped off a ledge and tumbled down in a pile of tangled limbs, Adora’s hair riddled with sticks and leaves as they laughed at each other’s appearances. They had landed in an opening filled with old tree-stumps, covered in moss and mushrooms.

It had been Adora who saw them first and pointed them out. Her mouth hanging open and eyes filled with disbelief. Catra remembers poking fun at her at first but then following Adora’s line of sight.

They were unlike anything either one of them had ever seen at the time. And there were dozens of them, glowing brightly as they flew around the tree-stumps.

Catra chuckles softly as she thinks of how she had tried to catch them with her hands at first and failing miserably. How Adora’s laughter had echoed through the opening as she doubled over giggling at Catra’s antics. And she remembers how they had laid down next to each other at some point, looking at the moon-lit sky and the fireflies dancing above their heads.

It had been so peaceful and quiet and Catra feels a twinge of regret settle in her stomach at the thought of how close she had been to confessing her feelings that day.

One of the fireflies had landed on Adora’s arm and Catra’s breath had caught at the look of stunning reference and adoration on her face. Sparkling blue eyes had caught her mismatched own and she remembers so clearly reaching out to cup Adora’s cheek.

Catra sighs as she feels some tears well up in her eyes at the memory.

The moment had been broken by people shouting nearby and they had both scurried back towards the barracks in the Fright Zone in a hurry when they realized the sun would rise soon.

And then 6 months later Adora had found that stupid sword.

But she still remembers the look in Adora’s eyes and that magical place with the fireflies. She hadn’t known what it meant to love until then. But that moment, the swooping feeling in her stomach, the intensity of their locked gazes. She knew now they had both wanted to kiss each other.

With a start Catra realizes she’s purring, the rumbling sound magnified slightly by Melog copying her. The purring makes her content and drowsy and she dozes a little, glancing at the various clusters of stars, eyes always returning towards the reddish blinking ones.

Something magical and imminent makes her ears perk up and then roll her eyes with a sigh.

“Sparkles,” she mutters, though there’s no malice of the past left in her voice.

“Catra,” Glimmer replies as she materializes in a cloud of glitter that never ceases to quietly amuse Catra. She walks up to the place where Catra is lying and leans against the roof-tiles. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“Apparently, neither could you,” she replies while petting Melog. “It’s bad enough I have Adora track me down all day every day, now I have _you_ to contend with as well,” she ends with a sigh. “How’d you find me anyway?”

“I was walking around the castle when I thought I heard the sound of a ship lifting off. Turns out it was just you purring,” Glimmer teases with a smirk.

“You know I can just throw you off the roof right?”

“And I could just teleport back to this roof while I teleported you into the nearest body of water.”

That makes her head throw back in laughter. “Touche.”

It’s quiet for a moment after that and when Catra looks up she can see Glimmer’s eyes tracing the night-sky, lost in thought.

“Something on your mind?” She questions.

Because that is a new thing too. And something she is still working on. Befriending others and she’s genuinely found herself interested in her new friend’s wellbeing. The biggest surprise to her has been how well she and Glimmer get along. Even with them still getting on each other's nerves all the time and pranking each other, there are also enough similarities to bond over.

She was surprised the first time Glimmer sought her out for advice. And then she found herself similarly surprised to be seeking out Glimmer in turn when something was weighing too heavily on her mind.

“Just...memories,” Glimmer murmurs softly while sliding down and sitting next to her. “Hard to believe sometimes we were out there,” she continues and Catra follows her gaze to the imposing firmament above their heads.

“Yeah…” It comes out a bit more quiet than she likes and Catra wonders if it’s because it reminds her of the nightmares that plague her frequently.

“I lost hope you know.”

She meets Glimmer’s gaze and she knows they are thinking about that same moment. When Catra had rushed out of Glimmer’s cell.

“I know,” she whispers, struck with another sudden bout of guilt. “I did too. I…” she doesn’t know what to say for a moment. “I think a part of me still hoped she would come back for me. Even with everything that happened I just…”

“I don’t think she ever even considered for a moment to leave you behind,” Glimmer interrupts and reaches out a hand to scratch behind one of Melog’s ears for a moment, sensing the cat’s slight discomfort. “You should’ve seen her, she was in full mission mode.”

Catra chuckles at the mental image. “I bet she was insufferable.”

“She kept striking at objects with her staff. It drove Bow insane.” Glimmer’s eyes are sparkling gleefully with the memory. “In between Entrapta dismantling half the ship while we were still in space and Adora dismantling the rest of it while sparring inanimate objects, I’m surprised his hair didn’t turn grey.”

“No wonder he’s so keen on staying with his feet on the ground for the time being.”

An owl hoots in the distance and Catra’s ears perk up for a moment, turning to the direction of the sound before she turns back to face Glimmer. “And honestly I’m not even a little surprised, Adora just _cannot_ sit still.”

“Is that why you’re here in the middle of the night?” Glimmer questions with a chuckle and Catra tilts her head questioningly. “Was she sleep-fighting again?”

“No, ever since I started tying her up that has considerably lessened,” she replies in a deadpan tone.

She is delighted to see Glimmer’s face turn an interesting shade of red before burying it in her hands.

“I really should dunk you into the nearest pond.”

Catra was about to offer up a snarky reply to that when she catches a metallic noise. Her ears swivel around to the source and she groans when she sees what it is.

“Really?” She mutters exasperatedly, “she’s such an idiot.”

Melog mewls in agreement and Glimmer snorts as she spots the grappling hook. “I don’t know why you’re surprised. You said it yourself, Adora cannot sit still.”

Catra stands up, figuring she could sit and watch as Adora made her way up. She expects Melog to follow her, but the cat tilts its head and meows at her before curling its body around Glimmer’s legs.

“Traitor,” Catra grumbles before stroking one of the cat’s ears in fondness. “But fine, I guess you’re right. It has been a few days since we could really talk, just the two of us, hasn’t it?” There had been meetings and reparations, villages to visit, and especially this last week the only time they’d been together was when they went to sleep.

Glimmer glances at the grappling hook and muffles a chuckle behind her hand when she picks up on Adora’s curses as she climbs her way up. “Guess that’s my cue,” she whispers and offers Catra a genuine smile, “g’night Catra. I’ll make sure you both have the day off tomorrow and won’t get disturbed. You both deserve some peace and quiet.”

She doesn’t know why the thought of spending some alone time with Adora makes her blush but then again that’s been a constant thing these past few weeks. Ever since she realized that she can do that now, she can show her love for Adora freely. And be loved freely in turn. She even put up with relentless teases whenever she and Adora got caught staring at each other like mushy saps.

Catra groans at Glimmer’s knowing look and narrows her eyes. “Yeah yeah, I know I look so cute,” she mock imitates Bow’s voice, “G’night Glimmer.”

Glimmer vanishes in a shower of sparkles and it's only a few moments later when a loud grunt signals Adora’s arrival.

She flops down on the floor in a spread-eagled position, hair tousled and sweat beads on her forehead.

“Hey, Adora.”

Another grunt is her only response and Catra chuckles as she perches on the ledge of the roof directly above where Adora is lying. “You look a little strung out.”

“You couldn’t have helped me up?” Adora complains, still lying in the same position and catching her breath.

“Dunno, seems like you could use the exercise if you’re this worn out already.”

“I’ll show you ‘worn out’,” Adora threatens as she jolts up, before immediately falling back down again with a groan. “ _Maybe_ in a minute.”

“You should’ve just stayed in bed you dumbass.”

Catra jumps down and sighs as she sits down beside Adora, tucking a stray lock of hair behind one of her ears. “When was the last time you had a proper night of sleep?”

“I could ask you the same thing, you know?” Adora murmurs, her blue eyes slowly drifting from the star-filled skies to gaze at Catra with a soft smile.

“I know.”

She registers Adora sitting up beside her and taking one of her hands in her own, squeezing it softly. She’s quiet otherwise and the only sounds breaking the silence is the soft gusts of wind whistling through the trees and some wildlife moving through the underbrush nearby.

“You know you can wake me right?”

“Adora I…”

“No, Catra,” Adora cups her chin and Catra is helpless but to obey the silent command. She swallows at the concern and love shining in those familiar blue eyes. “I mean it. You can always wake me if you feel the need to talk. About anything. I know we…”

Adora trails off and Catra notices the obvious frustration with not being able to convey what she was thinking.

“Hey,” Catra murmurs softly, placing a hand over the one cupping her chin and slowly turning so she could touch her forehead to Adora’s. “It’s okay,” she whispers, “but you were just so peaceful while you were asleep, I didn’t want to wake you. I know that you want me to, I know that I can, but I just felt a little off-kilter in our bedroom. I felt.. _trapped_. I just needed a little space,” she finally admits with a croak.

Adora sighs softly in response, her eyes glowing in the light of the moons as she stares at Catra for a long moment. Eventually, she turns her head and instead maneuvers herself so she’s half in Catra’s lap, head resting against Catra’s chest.

She looks sideways at Adora’s face in bemusement. “Comfy princess?”

“Hmm,” Adora hums, “figured I’d find out what all the fuss is about, since you never sit in a chair like a normal person.”

The tip of her tail flicks against Adora’s nose and she chuckles when Adora swats at it futilely. “You have to admit everyone’s reactions to me always sitting in your lap are priceless.”

She can feel Adora shaking her head against her chest, the quiet rumble of her laugh.

It’s a little while before she feels the need to break the silence again, comforting as it is. The slight hue of orange is a big clue the sun would be rising soon and she would rather still spend a few more hours in bed.

“Glimmer gave us the day off tomorrow, says she will make sure no one will disturb us.”

“Oh,” Adora mutters quietly, clearly taken by surprise. “That’ll be nice, actually.” She huffs out a breath, a smile slowly curving the corners of her mouth upwards. “You know ever since the..the heart there’s just not been a quiet moment and I know it’s selfish and I know people need help and…”

“You _finally_ want to learn how to take a break?” Catra teases and grins when Adora elbows her softly.

There’s no reply though and when Catra glances at Adora’s face she sees a strangely contemplative look on her face. “Adora?” she queries quietly.

“Sorry just..when I was near the heart, Mara was there for a moment and we talked. And she..she said something to me. That I am worth more than what I can give to others. That I deserved love too.”

Catra swallows thickly at the words but she can’t help but be entranced by Adora’s soft gaze. She wonders sometimes if she’ll ever get used to that look. At this all-encompassing kind of love she had once thought she would never have again.

“She was right,” Catra finally says in a slightly breathless tone. She wants to say more but Adora draws her in instead and Catra closes her eyes and loses herself in a petal-soft kiss.

She wonders if she’ll ever get used to that either. And if there will ever be a time when Adora’s kisses don’t leave her breathless.

Catra sighs quietly when they break apart and is unable to prevent herself from purring at the content happiness she feels. Adora scritching behind one of her ears only makes her purr louder and they both giggle a little at the rumbling sound.

Out of the corner of her eyes, she can see the twinkling of reddish stars, slowly fading away in the night sky as a new dawn breaks.

She thinks of sparkling sky blue eyes and clouds of fireflies and smiles at Adora.

“I want to take you somewhere tomorrow.”


End file.
